If any of the above things aren’t in place, I’d say you’re not ready. Emotionally, a person has to be ready to face other people’s response, positive or negative, to the sexual activity and be willing to share those emotional reactions with his or her partner.Īs you can see, I think it takes a lot for a couple to be ready to engage in sexual activity. I also think people aren’t ready to become sexually active if they can’t talk about it with their partners in a serious way, and also talk about safer sex practices, contraception (if appropriate), and possible positive and negative consequences and how they’d deal with them. I don’t think these things develop quickly, so I don’t think sexual activity is appropriate on a first date or early in a new relationship. I think it’s appropriate to start being sexually active with a sweetheart (and remember: I define sexually active as being involved with someone else’s body for the purpose of giving and receiving sexual pleasure) when intimacy, commitment, and passion are established and both people have pretty equal amounts of these feelings for each other. Wouldn’t it be great if we could say, “The Thursday following your sixth date is the most appropriate day to start having sex”? But, of course, that’s not the way it works.ĮMOTIONALLY, A PERSON HAS TO BE READY TO FACE OTHER PEOPLE’S RESPONSE, POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE. Because of that, there can’t be a standard answer to this question. I wish I had an answer that would be right for all people at all times, but the real answer is “it depends.” We are all unique individuals, and our relationships are all unique. When is someone emotionally and physically ready for sex? While pleasure can exist without these emotions, it is much more significant when they are present. These emotional states highlight and deepen sexual pleasure. The second reason sex feels good is that humans have developed the emotional capacity to feel love, intimacy, and passion. WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT IF WE COULD SAY, “THE THURSDAY FOLLOWING YOUR SIXTH DATE IS THE MOST APPROPRIATE DAY TO START HAVING SEX”? OF COURSE, THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS. To find out more about this, you might Google the phrase “human sexual response cycle” and look at the work of Masters and Johnson, two famous sex researchers who studied the body changes that happen when people get sexually excited. The mechanisms of sexual pleasure involve a combination of nerve impulses, blood flow, and muscle tension. Knowing your own and your partner’s erogenous zones can lead to much more fulfilling sexual experiences. All of us have many places on our bodies that result in sexual pleasure when stimulated.
Our bodies have evolved so that our genital regions, as well as many, many other parts of the body, are sensitive to sexual stimulation.Ī part of the body that brings sexual pleasure when stimulated is called an erogenous zone.
As I’ve often said, if sex felt like getting your tooth drilled at the dentist, people wouldn’t have it very often, and that could eventually threaten the survival of our species. If a species, like ours, is going to reproduce sexually, then there’s an advantage if that action also feels good. From the biological perspective, sex feels good for an important evolutionary reason. There are two ways to answer this question. My answers are exactly as I gave them, to show how even a simple question allows for both information and value clarification to be offered in response. They run the gamut from innocent to downright technical. I haven’t done any fancy editing these are the questions just as the kids asked them. Here are some actual questions from students and my answers to them. I answer the questions both during class time and on a blog I maintain at school.
This is the Question Box, a place where kids can drop any question they have about human sexuality. Next to the box are scraps of paper and some pencils. In the back corner of my classroom is an old shoebox with a hole cut into the top of it. Talking about sexuality, intimacy, relationships, and pleasure can’t be done in a vacuum. Instead, the first thing I do is establish ground rules. People should speak for themselves, laughter is OK, we won’t ask “personal history” questions, and we’ll work to create a community of peers who care about and respect one another. Only then can we get to work. I don’t hand out pamphlets about safer sex, although those are stacked on a table near the door. On the first day of my Sexuality and Society class, I don’t pass around anatomy drawings.
Remember how weird it was to ask questions about sex as a teenager? High school teacher Al Vernacchio answers his students’ questions about everything from DIY birth control to how to tell when a guy really likes you, in an excerpt from his new book.